I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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