my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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