whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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