Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
