Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Still dying that you shit outside
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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