I accidentally burped into my bong.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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