I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
