Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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