I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
