That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Text me some of your sweat
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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