im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
