I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
