I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Two words: nipple clamps
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