I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
