I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
