I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
