i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
