I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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