This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
