people are starting to question the shark bite story
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
