I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
