where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
