We won't sleep together?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
