Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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