I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
