I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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