you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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