if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
