I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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