Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
