He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
