Sponge bath it is.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
operation have a gay friend backfired
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
