end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
