1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
