I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
