the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
