My girlfriend figured out who you are.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
This is the high leading the old right now
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
