it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
