i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Randomize
