Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
