I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
