You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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