What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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