you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
