I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
