I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
