he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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