The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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