i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
