i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
