and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
