I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
