do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
