True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My vagina is officially offended.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
