i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize