Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i wish my penis had a tongue
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
