I hope mine doesn't look like that
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
