I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Sext me about skeletons
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
