He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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