At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
