i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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