I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
