I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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