In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
