yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
