i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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