What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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