shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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