just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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