when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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